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In transition
17 February 2025

Ars longa, vita brevis Stopping mid-ascent on the stairs yesterday, I spied through the northwest window a small hawk having Sunday brunch at the expense of a fellow feathered creature, whose scattered plumage scudded across snow sculpted smooth by the prevailing wind. Not until I dug out the front entrance and made my way to inspect the latest damage inflicted on my mailbox and bright blue newspaper receptacle, for the second consecutive day knocked off its support by passing plows, did this diminutive raptor take up the bulk of its prey in his talons and make for the woods.

Mailboxes take a hit in Madbury winters Once I got back inside, I recalled that it was from just that same spot on the staircase that on the morning of 1 June 2019 I had looked right rather than left and seen through the fanlight an Eastern phoebe perched on the flagpole that spans our front entrance, her beak filled with breakfast for the three hatchlings in the nest she’d built on the molding in the southwest corner above the front door. Just after 6 am on that so-green spring morning, the two representatives of the Cremation Society had driven away with the mortal remains of my darling husband David. And once again, though the transition is less stark and painful, I feel a bird sighting has marked a transition in my life. Today is the first anniversary of my sister Jane’s passing, and the 23rd birthday of our granddaughters Isabel and Olivia. And I am feeling my age.
From first light early this morning, the wind has gusted around Gnawwood with such ferocity that the change of air pressure rattles interior doors, sporadically interrupting electricity so that oven and microwave protest with random beeps. Winter’s been late arriving this year, but it’s definitely here now. The substantial snowfall is gorgeous and brilliant, but challenging. Twice now, the garage doors have frozen shut; getting out takes some substantial effort and time, and already I am weary of ever-changing footwear requirements. Snowshoeing remains a delight, but attention must be paid, as I learned last week when I stepped on a stick invisible under last week’s deep powder, which, wedged between the outer rim of my right snowshoe and the binding, tripped me so that I dropped the poles that immediately completely disappeared beneath the deep, slippery snow, leaving no trace of their whereabouts. I wasn’t hurt, and I DID finally recover the poles necessary to right myself. But still: a cautionary tale.

Trails well groomed, courtesy of UNH 
Girls having fun on the trails 
Nature’s winter installation For I am no longer young. My quads tire, and my right hand grows more arthritic. I’m still braving Boston traffic, but can be baffled by QR codes that don’t work to allow pedestrian entrance to parking garages whose doors only admit cars; in the confused exchange with a parking lot attendant over this situation, I managed to leave my car locked, but with the passenger window down. Happily, again, no harm done. But slippage.

New printer: the Brother MFC-J4335DW, Wirecutter’s pick My struggles to get a new printer to connect with my laptop lasted two weeks, entailing a collective 9.5 hours on the phone with Dell technicians (Anthony, Mohit, Rajendra, Chandon, Mohammed, and Kaveri), an appointment at Best Buy, and visits to both the Durham Public Library and Dimond Library at UNH, before help arrived in the person of Jason Wall from Lenharth Systems and sprung me from printer purgatory. (Jason’s take: some aberrant upgrade from Microsoft might well be the culprit). And while my Will to Live book talk last week at the handsome Portsmouth Public Library went very well, I’ve never before had such disconcerting, near-debilitating pre-performance anxiety, or needed so much time to recover.

Portsmouth Public Library Here on this President’s Day, the distance between the on-going coup orchestrated by our Felon-in-Chief (ceding all responsibility to a mad, unelected oligarch so that he has time to schmooze with the murderous Putin) and the selfless republican civic virtues of Washington and Lincoln staggers. The negotiated Medicare pharmaceutical prices that Biden put in place for 2026 have already been undone, presumably to further enhance Big Pharma’s profits, so my Eliquis prescription will continue to strain the budget. On the heels of the worst U.S. commercial crash in 16 years, the Felon-in-Chief has now begun firing FAA air traffic controllers. My financial advisor predicts economic trouble ahead: throwing thousands of Federal employees out of work will create even more unemployment for workers depending on Federal investment, and as tariffs raise prices, inflation will creep up. More locally, the new chair of the UNH English department, the only Americanist left on the faculty, reports that both of UNH’s Shakespeareans are retiring, and there’s even discussion of dropping freshman English as a requirement. The world’s in “a terrible state of chassis,” as Capt. Boyle opines in O’Casey’s Juno and the Paycock.
So. What to do. I feed the birds. Lots of bluebirds of late—a good sign? I Get Outside. I stream horrific crime dramas with flawed female British DCIs investigating the worst that humans can do (Marcella is my latest jam). I bake and I cook: most current winners, Junior’s Cheesecake and shrimp and grits, both recent recipes from the New York Times.

Junior’s cheesecake just emerged from its water bath I write. I read. I practice tai chi and yoga. I connect with Good Organizations: the Madbury Public Library, the National Archives, and the Seacoast Village Project. I plan a return to New Orleans to visit dear friends of these past 50 years.
And I take great pleasure in the talent so generously shared by the likes of pianist Conrad Tao and tap dancer Caleb Teicher, whose performance of “Counterpoint” at the Boston Arts Academy last 7 February completely obliterated the shame I’ve been feeling as a human being, replacing it with pure joy as I recognized the best of which our species is capable.

The Boston Arts Academy Bach, Schoenberg, Brahms, Ravel, Gershwin: Tao plays them all, from memory, always clearly, sometimes heartbreakingly lyrically, and spectacularly con brio, and Teicher matches him delight for delight. If you want a lift, Google Tao and Teicher Tiny Desk for a sampling of what these two prodigiously talented young men had to offer, or follow this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61q6JoGLTc0 .

Conrad Tao 
Caleb Teicher 
Caleb Teicher & Conrad Tao
“Counterpoint”, a collaboration between pianist and composer Conrad Tao and choreographer and dancer Caleb Teicher (Photo by Richard Termine)Well. There goes the power out. Back on. Now out. Gives new meaning to “only connect.” What’s to come is still unsure: we’re all in transition. Dear Readers, be careful out there.

“If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”
(The Boston Arts Academy is directly across from Fenway) -
Crowded with incident
3 February 2025

Iced spider web, a gift from the universe the morning after my heart surgery Here we are, nearing the end of the first quarter of the 21st century, and I am tallying the ups and downs of the past fortnight, beginning with the medical marvel that is the cardiac ablation I had at Mass General in Boston on 21 January: heart surgery as out-patient procedure. Is’t possible? Yes! Dr. Ng declared it a success, confirmed both by his partner cardiologist Dr. Touchan eight days later, and my lived experience. My generous friend Susan made a considerable contribution to my well-being as transporter and companion during her 12-hour shift, from a 6.30 am pickup and drive through rush-hour traffic south to Boston; to standing by during the long prep, procedure, and recovery period; to providing a most welcome additional set of ears attending to post-op instructions; to finally delivering me back home at 6.30 pm. The euphoria I felt on returning to Gnawwood was some rare combo of residual anesthesia, relief, gratitude, and much-improved heart function, but I felt better than I have in a very long time. After obediently refraining from any strenuous activity for the prescribed week of taking it easy, during which I enjoyed our monthly Madbury Library Book Club two days post-op and a most delicious and convivial dinner party in Dover two days later, I returned to my yoga class for two consecutive days, and felt great—so great that I’ve been able to take advantage of the gorgeous snowfall we’ve at last had with back-to-back snowshoeing expeditions through our woods. Sublime.

First REAL snowfall in Madbury, 1 Feb 2025 Challenges have, of course arisen, and one can so easily be knocked off balance by the small stuff. Monday the 27th began with some attention-getting not-so-small stuff: my first experience of a 3.8-scale earthquake that in Madbury at least sounded like two back-to-back explosions. I was up at my third-floor desk, but feared that the masons working outside on the beautiful new steps they’ve laid had suffered a propane tank explosion. But no, they were fine, though their report that they felt the ground shake and a call to the Madbury police station confirmed for me that the event was indeed an earthquake that sounded so loud: essentially an aggressive burp from below as the tectonic plates shifted ever so slightly. No harm done, but a tonic reminder that nothing is certain and that all circumstances are subject to change at any moment. My thought: how very lucky I am.

New garden stairs: Rye Beach Landscapers Steve and Josh who laid them remained unharmed by the earthquake of 27 Jan 2025 I’ve been mostly able to sustain that blithe mood despite a spate of Tech Schreck, the neologism I’ve coined for the inimitable challenges of ever-changing technology. First, the microwave my parents gave me in 1974 (!) at last gave up the ghost and had to be replaced. And I again had to fax (yes, FAX! Some technology is retro, presenting its own challenges) all 16 pages of evidence necessary to prove to TD Bank that there are scammers abroad in the land, claiming to be Amazon/KDP and Barnes & Noble and preying on novice self-publishers (moi) to bilk them out of $$$ in exchange for products and services they have no ability to provide and no intention of providing. And then, there’s the special torment of the printer purgatory HP visits on its unsuspecting customers: “customer service” that ain’t. Just try to cancel your Instant Ink subscription after multiple attempts to get SOMEONE or SOMETHING at HP to make available the driver necessary to make your ENVY 4520 that has suddenly stopped working print. Oy vey. Reader, do not risk commerce with Hewlett Packard.

Solar geometry: the deck on 1 Feb 2025 However! Each of these annoyances occasioned an uplifting human exchange sufficient to make me think we’ve not yet arrived at singularity, the merging of machine and human that seems ever more imminent. In the case of the microwave, Dan of Powell Electric, who a quarter century ago wired this house then under construction, came to confirm that my microwave problem was indeed my venerable but exhausted Toshiba, and kindly toted it away for disposal. Via Wirecutter, I then researched and located a replacement Panasonic, ordered it from Target, picked it up with help from a gracious Target employee, brought it home, and after only a few mis-steps (why don’t they inform you that the child-proof lock will not let you open the microwave door until you press STOP?) successfully installed it. The TD Bank associate I spoke to at length (44 minutes and 42 seconds) declared me one smart lady, essentially an investigative reporter, and encouraged me to take my tale of pernicious scammers to the Boston Globe’s Spotlight Team even as she typed up and submitted my charge dispute for the second time. And two successive Dell employees, Rajendra and Mohit, stayed on the phone with me for a collective 2.5+ hours trying to resolve, unsuccessfully, the printer connection problem that HP created. At one point I exclaimed that it had started to snow here in New Hampshire, which prompted Rajendra to reveal his location: “How Beautiful! I’m in Spain, and would have to drive five hours to see snow!” How wonderful, too, that nurse Shari at my cardiologist’s office told me she’d swapped patients with her colleague just so she could hear all the details of my ablation. And how very human that her telling me about trying ever since October to resolve a mistaken hotel double charge to her account made me feel so much better about my own ongoing dispute with TD Bank. At what point will an exchange with A.I. afford us such relief?

The world out the front door freshly dressed in white, 1 Feb 2025 Aging is, of course, a thing with which to reckon. The definition of aging as “accumulation of damage and decline of function” immediately sparks my mental listing of examples under both headings, but I’m trying not to go gentle. I’ve signed up to be a Citizen Archivist; see https://www.archives.gov/citizen-archivist for details of service that you who can still read cursive writing (we happy few!) can be to the National Archives. And this week I’ll receive the training necessary to become a driver for the Seacoast Village Project. These are functions I CAN still perform.

A beech tree in its winter marcescence. Jennifer said they contribute to “the Presbyterian light of the forest.” But the firehose of appalling breaking news remains a challenge. I’ve been finding it necessary to counterbalance reports of the disgraceful, disastrous doings perpetrated by our Felon-in-Chief and his Posse of Predators by streaming, repeatedly, episodes of All Creatures Great and Small. The fifth season finale features Anna Madeley as Mrs. Hall trying doughtily to carry on while wrestling with the likelihood that her son has been killed in action. Spoiler Alert: When she learns he is alive, it no longer matters that Siegfried forgot to pick up the Christmas goose she so cleverly saved up ration coupons to barter for it: a reminder of what’s really important, and a reminder I needed.

Samuel West (Siegfried Farnon), Anna Madeley (Mrs. Hall) and Derek
(Tricki Woo) in All Creatures Great and SmallEarly last Wednesday morning I was stewing about my non-functional printer when I spied my 6-year-old neighbor Leo making his way through the woods that separates my house from his, a child-size show shovel on his shoulder. He didn’t ring the doorbell (an antique he really enjoys ringing), but instead went straight about clearing the snow from my front steps, inscribed his name in the snow, and returned home to continue on to his one-hour-snow-delayed school day. When I texted his mom Anne to let her know of Leo’s good deed, she told me he did it with no prompting from her: it was entirely his idea.
Dear Readers, THAT’s what’s really important. Here’s to countering the darkness with the now ever-increasing light.
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Reservoir of cheer, “American Primeval,” and a wide receiver
18 January 2025

Distant ice fishing and beaver work at the Madbury reservoir After a stretch of bitter cold and howling gales, today’s temperature broke 40o and no wind blew. A better night’s sleep than of late primed me for a most enjoyable stroll to and along the Madbury reservoir, tricked out with ice fishermen and rendering a spacious new world version of a winter scene by Bruegel. The eerie, eldritch sound of the expanding ice sheet, a mashup of whale song and sci-fi soundtrack, seemed a tribute to the late David Lynch, whose 1986 Blue Velvet cast such a spell over me that on first viewing I emerged from that Chapel Hill theatre afraid of the mall I was in. But on this Saturday, the singing ice was only part of a cheering soundscape that included chatter that stopped as soon as the loquacious squirrel dove into a hole drilled by a piliated woodpecker and peeked curiously back out at me, and the friendly greeting of a neighbor with her four charming stair-step children making their way back up from the ice.



All told, this morning was a most welcome respite from annoyances and preoccupations, some minor and others more daunting, leaving me a dyspeptic combo of at least two of the Seven Dwarfs: Sleepy and Grumpy. All those bothersome emails from credit bureaus and banks making it seem necessary to log on, negotiate the two-step verification, and locate the message center only to discover the message is just a come-on for another unnecessary service. Oy. And more oppressively, all that time and effort required to dispute fraudulent credit card charges from scammers! Caveat emptor, Dear Readers, especially online.
Such bothers of privilege do, however, recede in nature and in company. I’ve been enjoying the skilled efficiency of masons Steve and Josh of Rye Beach Landscaping who’ve been uncomplainingly working through the challenging cold to build a set of outdoor steps for me. What a joy to see people who know what they are doing create something both practical and beautiful!


Josh cuts Pennsylvania bluestone as the Kubota lifts it 
. . . and Steve fits the cut bluestone treads And there’s pleasure, too, in contemplating from a very safe distance in time and space the brutal history of western expansion so memorably recreated in the new Netflix series American Primeval, which begins with a shocking, appallingly realistic recreation of the 1857 Mountain Meadows Massacre. As Fresh Air critic David Bianculli noted in his review, it’s a sequence as stunning as the opening moments of Spielberg’s 1998 Saving Private Ryan. With a screenplay by Mark L. Smith, who also wrote director Iñárritu’s 2015 epic and similarly graphic western The Revenant, American Primeval has engaged me over the last couple days of streaming its six episodes to an uncanny degree, perhaps in part because of a personal connection to an abhorrent tragedy.

l. to r. : Preston Mota as Devin, Taylor Kitsh as Isaac, and Betty Gilpin as Sara 
Irene Bedard as Winter Bird, chief of the peaceful Shoshone My late husband David was a descendant of Robert Taylor Burton, a principal officer in the Nauvoo Legion, who led Brigham Young’s territorial militia during the Utah wars. Raised as a Latter Day Saint, though from early on in full-fledged apostasy, David was also an Americanist historian, and part of the desert Southwest’s allure he passed along to me was not only his familial connection to Burton and the Latter Day Saints, but also his intellectual interest in what Tolstoy called Mormonism, “the quintessential ‘American religion.’”

Robert Taylor Burton (1821-1907) Early in our regular visits to Utah and the Four Corners, David took me to see the site of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, a monument a half hour’s drive north from St. George. That’s where I first learned of the attack on the Baker-Fancher immigrant wagon train bound for California on the Old Spanish Trail through Utah under the martial law imposed by territorial governor Brigham Young. Enflamed by suspicion that these settlers would abet the LDS persecution that first caused the Mormon migration west after the Illinois murder of their founder Joseph Smith, and amplified by the hysteria that President Buchanan’s military expedition of March 1857 to replace Young as governor brewed, Young sent the Nauvoo Legion, aided by Southern Paiute Native Americans, to attack the wagon train in the guise of hostile natives. But the travelers fought back, and the Legion, fearing identification, approached the immigrants under a white flag, persuaded them to surrender their weapons, escorted them from their defensive position, and then killed all the adults and children over age 7, leaving most of the bodies exposed to wild animals and climate.

Mountain Meadows Massacre Monument I recall very clearly one name inscribed on the monument wall we visited: America Jane Dunlap, age 7.
I’m wondering now if watching that horror re-enacted on my tv screen is resonating so with me for reasons beyond my distant but personal connection to that historical event. In critical theory, insofar as my limited understanding allows, abjection is the state of being cast off and separated from norms and rules; abjection inherently disturbs conventional identity and cultural concepts. Certainly the story of the Mountain Meadows Massacre on ground contested by four groups, Native Americans, Federal troops, Morman militia, and immigrant settlers, each with competing values and allegiances, prompts questions about whose norms and rules apply. And as we approach the inauguration of the Felon-in-Chief, who will swear to preserve, protect, and defend the very Constitution he sought to defy four years ago—on Martin Luther King Jr Day AND what would have been my late sister Jane’s 67th birthday—I’m adrift in a sea of abjection.
Well, this too will pass. And in the meantime, the news of star Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver A. J. Brown reading Jim Murphy’s self-help book Inner Excellence on the sidelines while his team beat the Green Bay Packers 22-10 last Sunday offers hope to this other Murphy author of another self-published self-help book.

A. J. Johnson with Murphy’s book ESPN reports that from 523,497th place on the Amazon sales list, Inner Excellence, with help from a star football player captured reading it on a nationally televised broadcast, shot to Amazon’s number one best seller. In the resulting coverage of his good fortune, Murphy summed up four daily goals that are a key element of the book:
1. “Give the best of what you have that day.”
2. “Be present. Being in the place where there’s no concern for self, no concern for the outcome.”
3. “Be grateful. Look for the smallest moments, three a day, that were gifts for you. The smaller, the better.”
4. “Focus on your routines and only what you can control.”
I plan to take that advice. And to try to find a footballer intrigued by Shakespeare.
Onward!

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Tenth Day of Christmas
4 January 2025

Two more nights for this little tree to shine Perhaps I am not alone, Dear Reader, slouching my way into the new year: this holiday season has been a curious mixture of alternating cheer (largely solitary) and anxiety. Leading up to Christmas there were promising developments (the arrival of the Rye Beach Landscaping crew and their marvelous French excavating machine, appearing like an early gift from Santa at my front door the week before Christmas to prepare the way for better daffodil access come spring), some auspicious signs (my tutelary barred owl George made a welcome appearance), and some semi-successful attempts at celebration (a couple hours spent at Strawberry Banke’s Candlelight Stroll in Portsmouth on the night of the winter solstice (crowded, and BLOODY cold!), as well as preparation of a pork-and-apple stew for Christmas dinner (tasty, but consumed alone). Christmas Day itself was bright, and a walk at Wallis Sands helpful: dogs cavorted and taciturn Yankees for once exchanged greetings.

Early Christmas present 
The Sherburne House (1695), the oldest in Puddle Dock 
Trying to stay warm during the Candlelight Stroll 
Puddle Dock skaters brave a chill howling gale 
Christmas dinner prep 
Bright Christmas day at Wallis Sands But I was having to work at staying on top of bad news, personal and general. This first Christmas without my sister in the world was never far from my thoughts, and as all those who grieve know, the latest loss recalls all the others. Public radio, my constant companion when I am not reading or writing, kept dropping distressing reports. Barred Owls, considered “invasive” in the Pacific Northwest, are being shot to save the Northern Spotted Owl from extinction, and NPR offered that particular sound byte (Oh, no! George!).

Who could want to shoot George? Then NHPR replayed a most annoying interview with novelist Jodi Picault flogging her latest book, By Any Other Name, by trotting out her “research” provocatively suggesting for the ill-informed and gullible that Shakespeare’s plays were all written by Emilia Bassano. Gawd. That tired old canard, bolstered by one stupid assertion after another (e.g., Shakespeare was a litigious businessman who didn’t have the education to write those plays, and could not have written any plays published in 1623 because by then he was dead! And! There is a character in Othello who speaks a speech no man could have written, and that character’s name is Emilia! Oh, Pah-LEEZE! Let your fiction stay fiction.
And then Jimmy Carter died. President Carter gave the commencement address at Centre College in Kentucky in 1987 when I was on the faculty and, like all my other colleagues, eager to shake hands with the Great Man. Now, it’s true that Centre is a small college with an appropriately small faculty. But imagine my surprise when as I extended my hand to tell the President what an honor it was to meet him, he said, “Why, Georgeann, the pleasure is all mine!” HOW on EARTH did he know my name? Well, as it turns out, the explanation is that someone had shown President Carter a faculty facebook—well before Facebook, simply a page in the annual with all our photos and names—and with his eidetic memory plus a genuine interest in his fellow citizens, he had learned all our names.
How proud I am I got to tell that dear man how much I admired him. And how it rankles that his departure from this dimension so closely precedes the inauguration of the anti-Carter, our soon to be Felon-in-Chief. That January 20 would have been the 67th birthday of my late sister, who heartily detested “the Orange Man,” only adds insult to injury.
I awoke with a scratchy throat on New Year’s Day, and the first thing I heard was that some maniac had plowed through the revelers on Bourbon Street, killing 14 and injuring dozens. OMG. 2025 not off to a great start. In the summer of 1977, my first in New Orleans when I was a graduate student at Tulane, I worked on Bourbon Street, waiting tables at Potpourri, the restaurant in D. H. Holmes, then still a thriving department store as well as one of the country’s first, having opened in 1849. I mostly served dinner to the elderly ladies who lived out their solo lives in the French Quarter; didn’t make much money, but ate like a king (oh, that bread pudding!). I spent plenty of time standing on line to get into Galatoire’s just up Bourbon Street, and even took acerbic critic John Simon to dinner there on behalf of EGO, the English Graduate Organization. Not to mention the Carnival hijinks I enjoyed in the Quarter before I left NOLA in 1984, including the 1979 Mardi Gras police strike, when the National Guard were deployed to keep order—and partied right along with the rest of us. Now those streets always sniffy with discarded Hurricanes (and worse) had to have the blood washed away. And for what?

Mardi Gras 1979, happy grad student and her protector Trying to put that behind me, I took up my annual Posting of the Calendars, four upstairs and one down. But where was the 2025 Canyonlands Natural History Association Calendar to replace the 2024 one? There was the cardboard mailer, right where it should be. But it was empty? Could I possibly have forgotten to order it, my most-often-consulted resource hanging just to the left of my computer screen? I logged on to the CNHA site: sure enough, no order posted for the 2025 calendar. Which was now sold out. Oy. Such forgetfulness. Not a good sign at my advanced age.

Capitol Reef, spring break 2017: the canyonlands the CNHA calendars recall Okay, okay. Ordered another calendar version of Utah’s parks and monuments and tried to cook my way out of my funk while listening once again to the New Year’s concert broadcast from Vienna. But then I had to hunt for the latest Christmas card I’d written and carried downstairs to post the next day, finding it only when I realized I had dropped it in the recycle bin along with yesterday’s New York Times. The mushroom bourguignon I made for dinner was very tasty, but my throat was even more sore. Three episodes of Ted Lasso (second time through this anti-depressant series) finally put me to bed.

Mushroom Bourguignon over polenta for New Year’s (thanks, Melissa Clark) I woke on January 2 with no voice, and had to croak my way through my cardiologist’s appointment, moved up from the one scheduled for month’s end because of the increasingly frequent—and scary—episodes of a-fib I’ve been experiencing. The news: not good. The Flecainide I’d been taking since 2013 to address arrhythmia was now causing it, and another ablation, one that could only be done at Mass General in Boston, was the answer. I had to bail on my weekly and now much-needed conversation with my Greensboro friend Cameron: no voice to speak my distress. And it was January 2, the seventeenth anniversary of the day my mother died in Florida without my being able to get to her because my husband David had been suddenly so stricken with inexplicable anxiety that he could neither speak nor eat. And it was semester’s end: I had his papers as well as my own to grade. And there was a blizzard; no one could get in or out of our driveway. A Christmas best forgotten, but impossible not to recall.
The laryngitis persisted through the next day when I had to sort some TD Bank business, finally removing David, an absent presence now going on six years, as signatory on my accounts and figuring out what to do with our safe deposit box contents if I were out of the picture—which my erratically pounding heart suggested was not an entirely theoretical scenario. The good news: a call from Mass General offered me an ablation appointment only a little more than two weeks away. The bad news: I’ll need someone to drive me down to Boston and back; I’d had David the last time someone was going to work on my heart. Now that heart was broken again, in more ways than one. And I’d already streamed through the entire final season of Ted Lasso.
Friends to the rescue! My emailed SOS quest for a driver received a prompt and unanimously generous response from all I contacted. Spirits greatly improved. A simple dinner of vegetable broth with Dumpling DaughterTM dumplings (heard about on Boston Public Radio, and now available at Market Basket) worked wonders on my throat, and watching Cillian Murphy (no relation, but proud to share the name) and Emily Watson absolutely nail their performances in Small Things Like These, a disturbing but ultimately redemptive film, put me to bed in much better shape.

Emily Watson and Cillian Murphy devastate in Small Things Like These So, I’m starting the new year over today and counting my many blessings, including anyone interested enough to have read through all my whinging this far.
Wishing you all a healthy, happy, hopeful new year, with thanks for your much appreciated support. Coraggio!
-
Chapel Hill Grad
23 December 2024

UNC Chapel Hill grads toss their caps in the Dean Smith Center,
15 December 2024 (photo by Jon Gardiner, ’98)A week ago Sunday was a good day, a full moon and the graduation of our other granddaughter, Isabel, from UNC Chapel Hill. Like her sister Olivia part of the Covid Class of ’24, Isabel had weathered a pandemic AND calculus to earn her B.S. in Environmental Science, and Lord knows we need her smarts in that contested arena. As for the arena where the ceremony took place, the Dean Smith Center on Chapel Hill’s campus, there was plenty of room for the more than 1800 new graduates and their proud friends and families. At 50 years past my own graduation from Furman in 1974, with vivid memories of both Isabel and Olivia from infancy on, I was primed to wax nostalgic, but less prepared for the dissonant notes of proceedings that began with a loud speaker announcement that any attempt to disrupt the program would be met with immediate expulsion: “You WILL be arrested.”

In my 43 years as an academic, I attended a lot of graduations, but that was a first—and ironic, especially for UNC Chapel Hill, as I was to learn later on. Just how much things have changed for universities over the decades was disconcertingly clear, beginning with my passing the time by counting the number of doctoral degrees to be awarded that day: 142, only 6 of which were in English and Comparative Literature, distinct fields back in my day when UNC Chapel Hill was considered one of the most prestigious English programs in the country. Of course, the humanities’ decline is widespread across the country: this November Boston University suspended admission to a dozen graduate programs in humanities (including English) and social sciences, and my own graduate alma mater, Tulane, gave up awarding Ph.D.s in English years ago.

Where’s Isabel? Dead center, looking down,
next to the Master’s candidate in blackSo, times change. But really, why did UNC Chapel Hill Chancellor Lee Roberts welcome the soon-to-be graduates by recounting his own tardy progress toward an undergraduate degree delayed by partying, and citing (as an excuse?) how much Winston Churchill drank? Having been given an art student’s beautiful rock supported by that young artist’s exquisitely crafted wooden pedestal, Roberts’s labored simile compared the graduating class to rocks that evolve over their time at university. Rocks evolve? Really? Back to class, Chancellor Roberts.
Okay. So not a gifted speaker. A gifted speaker did give the commencement address, cancer researcher Prof. Shelton Earp, but his sincere and poignant words—he conveyed not only his own well wishes, but those of his recently deceased wife, whom he clearly was mourning—could hardly be heard because he was too far from the mic, and no one made the necessary adjustment. The doctoral candidates (unlike the baccalaureates! A disappointment that) did get to march across the stage, but they were not hooded by their dissertation directors as I had been in 1984, the moment (my sister reported) that made my dear old dad weep.
Reader, we all celebrated nonetheless, with many photos and some tasty Asian takeout we happily consumed back at the spacious Air B&B proud parents Susan and Mark had rented for grandparents Ann, Jerry, and me to share with Isabel’s twin Olivia and some of Isabel’s closest friends, Sarah, Will, and Alice; we bonded over several jolly rounds of a Ransom Notes game.

Proud parents Susan and Mark with The Graduate 
Post-grad wave to sister Olivia 
These boots were made for graduating 
Mark and Susan unpacking graduation dinner from Eathawkers.com 
Isabel and Sarah partner for a game of Ransom Notes Being around all these clever, energetic youngsters was encouraging, and the good vibes lasted right though breakfast out at brunch place First Watch the next morning. That the young woman cashier there could not figure out how to change the $20 bill I gave her, even when I specified a ten, a five, and five ones, did, however, inspire some concern about educational slippage.
As the family dispersed, I headed for a walk ‘round the UNC campus I’d not seen before, relieved that I could figure out how to use the Park Mobile app and provided with a map by a gracious undergrad at the Visitor Center on East Frankin. The day was still overcast and chilly as I made my way across McCorkle Place, the weather likely contributing to my less than optimistic mood about the academy and Where We Are Headed. Korean artist Do-Ho Suh’s “Unsung Founders” memorial, a gift of the Class of ’02 installed in May 2005, acknowledges that the University’s first leaders were slave holders, and celebrates the servants and slaves who were crucial to its success: public art as salutary reminder of vexed history.


I couldn’t help but think of the U.S. Supreme Court’s June 2023 ruling against UNC’s consideration of race in student admissions, finding that the University violated the Constitution’s equal protection clause. In January 2024, the University paid 4.8 million to the Students for Fair Admissions, and voted to bar the use of race, sex, color, or ethnicity in admissions and hiring decisions. In the fall of 2023, Blacks made up 10.5% of the first-year class. In the fall of 2024, they accounted for only 7.8%. I wonder what the Unsung Founders would think of that?
Continuing southeast on my ramble, I passed the Davie Poplar, named for William R. Davie (1756-1820), who helped charter the University and lay the foundation for the first building in 1793. Legend has it that Davie and a committee of trustees met under that tree and decided to build the University there. But, alas, I learned later that Davie was not on that committee: the legend is false. The Poplar itself surely has seen better days.

The Davie Poplar But there, at the edge of East Cameron Street was the Chapel Hill’s Old Well, first dug in 1795 as the University’s water source and in 1897 covered by the domed structure modeled on the Temple of Love at Versailles, now the University-licensed icon—and, since 1925, drinking fountain! I couldn’t help but think of the line from my own Furman’s alma mater: “And ‘neath her [Paris mountain’s] shade they [the students] rest secure / And drink from wisdom’s fountain pure.”

I next encountered Gerrard Hall, built in 1822 and named for Maj. Gen. Charles Garrard, a Revolutionary soldier and early benefactor, initially a chapel that took 15 years to construct, as the commemorative plaque records “due to the impoverished state of University finances.” Plus ça change, plus le même chose.


Camellias bloom in December in North Carolina On to the august neoclassical Wilson Library (1929) named for Louis Round Wilson, centenarian, University Librarian (1901-1932), “University Historian and Advisor to Presidents and Chancellors.” Methinks Wilson could have better advised Chancellor Roberts on rhetorical effectiveness. But his namesake building is a Beaux-Arts beauty.

The semester done, and no longer the University’s main library but rather a home to special collections, the Wilson was understandably deserted save for a solitary guard in the magnificent reading room, who told me most UNC graduates never set foot in the place. We shared a lament over that—and the omnipresence of food and drink in most university libraries today.


I headed back to my parking spot on Franklin street.

As it happened, I had unwittingly left my rental Nissan right by a monument resonant with topical meaning given the warning that began the previous day’s commencement. Here’s what it said:
The Speaker Ban
Along this wall in 1966 UNC students challenged a state law that regulated who could speak on UNC campuses. The students listed below invited banned speakers Herbert Aptheker, a radical historian, and Frank Wilkinson, a civil liberties activist. When students were prevented from holding these events on campus, they initiated a lawsuit that overturned the “Speaker Ban” law in 1968.
“I hope history will record that the student body did not shy away from this challenge, but firmly and responsibly met it head on.”
Paul Dickson III (Student Body President) February 1966


Still contemplating competing impressions of Isabel’s happy graduation juxtaposed with institutional history and the slippery slope of free speech eroded and the humanities abandoned, I took off for the Raleigh Durham Airport (RDU), making two failed attempts to stop at a Chick-fil-A and provision myself for the flight home. One was closed for construction and the other unfindable. The precarity of travel must have been something sculptor Gordon Huether had in mind when he offered RDU his “Highwire Travelers” piece.

But what made an even bigger impression on me as I made my way to the appropriate gate was the excising of human presence in favor of machines. A piano played Christmas carols without a piano player.

No waitress handed me a menu at the American Cafe restaurant; only a bar code greeted me when I sat down to get a bite. That impersonality drove me to the Flight Stop for a half-price sandwich (still $5.99 even at half price), which the automated checkout kiosk did not recognize as half price.



Oy! I was in the Research Triangle, but was only A.I. doing the research?
What saved the day and pulled me out of a dive to despair was, praise be, something no machine would have “thought” to do: the Southwest gate attendant, because she “loved Christmas,” appeared in costume, half Grinch, half Santa’s Helper, and managed to scan us on to the jetway while prompting a smile from all the weary road warriors boarding.

So, hail to thee, Class of ’24! Congratulations and best of luck! And to borrow advice from Jon Batiste’s Late Show band: Stay Human.

The graduate and I (photo by Susan Andrew) -
Nutcracker Magic
7 December 2024

Backstage at Boston’s Citizens Opera House Last Saturday it was my great pleasure to accompany my wonderful neighbors Anne and Peter and their 6-year-old son Leo to Boston to see Leo’s first Nutcracker. Tchaikovsky’s confection has loomed large in my personal history, starting with my parents’ providing me a boxed set of 45’s to play on my little record player; I can still picture the pink pointe shoe on the cover. I loved that music, and was taking ballet at the time, so when my inspired first grade teacher Okla Hawkins decided to mount a production of The Nutcracker, I, completely unencumbered by stage fright and quite eager to display my “talent,” was a natural to be cast as the Sugar Plum Fairy. Perhaps architecture is destiny. That academic year, 1957-58, Pasadena Elementary School was without sufficient space for all those boomer babies, so Mrs. Hawkins’s class was held on the stage behind the heavy velvet curtains that separated our classroom from the cafeteria—where dining students were not allowed to speak lest they disturb us. I remember that space well, both as classroom and as performance venue. And I remember, too, that the tall, handsome lad Michael whom Mrs. Hawkins cast as the Nutcracker Prince was too petrified to perform, and was replaced by a shorter ginger-haired boy happy to show off—a great disappointment to me.
On Election Night this year, anxiety was running high when my neighbor Anne invited me to cross the woods that separate our homes to enjoy a beverage and some talk by the bonfire she built, her accustomed strategy for coping with fearful uncertainty. So we were there by the fire when young Leo emerged from the house with kazoo and tambourine, and proceeded to entertain us by kazooing selections from The Nutcracker Suite. Tonic hilarity ensued, and I was delighted not only by Leo’s performance by also by the recognition that here was another set of parents devoted to nourishing their child with music and performance, as mine had me. When Leo went back in, I asked Anne if Leo had seen the ballet, and when she replied no, but she thought it was time, our plan was hatched.
And so, we were off on our adventure on a cold but bright day in Boston. Our first stop was for lunch at an all-gluten-free bakery called Verveine on Mass Ave in Cambridge, the place packed with treats each more enticing than the next, as well as an overflowing supply of customers awaiting their orders and/or one of the few places to sit down at one of the communal tables. Staff and customers were all friendly and accommodating despite the crush and bustle, and my apple/cheese/arugula focaccia was delicious, inspiring an oft-repeated lament that our own nearby university town of Durham, NH had no bakeries, gluten-free or otherwise.

Oh, to order one of EVERYTHING! Then it was time to set out for the Opera House, and for me to relish NOT being the one driving for a change. I’d advised Anne to take advantage of Spot Hero, the parking app I’d discovered in the last year, a great stress-reliever in the quest to find parking in Boston, as one books it in advance. I’d also learned the hard way that one should not access said booked parking spot even one minute ahead of the agreed parking time or pay twice, so when we arrived at the garage 2 minutes early, I suggested Anne just “go round the block”—forgetting that blocks are a concept unknown in Boston. Next thing you now, we are headed south under Boston harbor on I-93, and what had seemed a perfectly timed, stress-free arrival now threatened a too-late entrance. But doughty Anne sallied on: working with three different cell phones, we navigated our way back to the Common and the corner of Essex and Washington, where Anne dropped off the three of us to make our way to the theatre in good time while she continued on to the parking garage.
The Citizens Opera House holds 2677 souls, and so there was another crush negotiating the metal detectors into the lobby. But Leo needed to make a stop at the box office. Knowing that we would be treated to a backstage tour after the show—my friend Elizabeth Olds is assistant to Boston Ballet’s artistic director, Mikko Nissinen—Leo had constructed a nutcracker out of a paper towel tube supplied with googly eyes and drawn-on peppermints alternating red and green for buttons. This he hoped to give to the REAL Nutcracker Prince after his performance. But one of the googly eyes had come off. So with help from box office staff and patient dad Peter, who showed his son how to make single-sided tape double-sided, Leo restored his paper nutcracker’s sight and we made our way up the several flights of stairs to left balcony B. Heroic Anne arrived from the parking garage just as the lights were dimming and the magic began, Leo clasping his nutcracker.

Peter, Leo with Nutcracker, and Anne And indeed, even at that distance from the stage, the music and dance were completely captivating. The sassy bear and mechanical-jointed doll inspired laughter, the battle of mice compelled. The snowflakes—balletic and fireproof paper alike—enchanted. Catching sight of a cloud descending from the flies to carry Clara and her prince away at the end of Act 1, Leo voiced an audible “Oh, my!” and warmed the hearts of every adult in the vicinity. Intermission offered a chance to get the wiggles out and to confer with Elizabeth, who surreptitiously passed along to Yue Shi, dancing the Nutcracker Prince at that matinee performance, that he had a fan in the balcony. And Act 2 delivered all the favorites: including the most sensuous Arabians I’ve seen, Mother Ginger, and the Grand Pas de Deux.
As the audience streamed for the exits, we descended to the bottom stage left exit from the balcony where Elizabeth, former principal dancer in the Royal Winnipeg Ballet and herself once a Sugar Plum Fairy, met us and showed us in sequence the Queen’s Box (terrible sightlines!), the snowflake remnants littering the wings (some of the little squares are mylar for sparkle), the prop table with Clara’s crown on its cushion. (How does it stay in place, both on the cushion and on Clara’s head? Magnets!). Chyrstyn Fentroy, soon to be that evening performance’s Sugar Plum Fairy, was warming up, and kindly stopped to inquire about the nutcracker Leo held. We posed on stage. The view from there is an epiphany.

Ms. Fentroy checks out Leo’s craftsmanship, with Elizabeth looking on 
Peter, Leo, Anne, and Georgeann–once again on stage 
The perilous path to the grid Stage right we saw the steps Mother Ginger has to climb to step into his stilts, directly below the rigging that lowers his 40-pound costume around him so all the Boston Ballet School students can hide beneath “her” skirts. Then to orchestra pit, where we got the conductor’s view of the house as well as the music and some instruments left behind till the next show, and learned the trick of the children’s chorus in the snow scene (the organ, not the kids!). The stage manager’s screen glowed, and Ms. Fentroy explained the purpose of the rosin she was applying to her pointe shoes (the better to avoid slipping) before rehearsing her upcoming pad de deux. I learned that the Opera House remains a “hemp house,” still using the centuries-old tradition of using ropes, pulleys, and counterweights to fly the scenery—by hand! And then, suddenly, there was the Nutcracker Prince, out of costume and appearing as himself, Yue Shi, graciously accepting Leo’s gift of the nutcracker and posing for a memento photo.

Leo as First Violin 
View from the pit Designed by architect Thomas White Lamb in 1928 as a movie palace, the Opera House was commissioned by Edward Albee Sr. as a tribute to his friend and business partner, Benjamin Franklin Keith.

The horns rest between performances 
Mission accomplished: the Nutcracker Prince receives Leo’s gift Elizabeth led us on through the costume shop: mice heads, soldier heads, and glittery tutus. Wardrobe manager Heather even retrieved the Mouse King Head for our appreciation (honestly, its realism could be the stuff of nightmares).



Heather displays the Mouse King’s head Finally, we said our thanks and goodbyes, and headed out of the theatre, shedding magic as we walked through the now-dark Boston streets searching out the pedestrian entrance to the parking garage.

Meanwhile, prep for the next performance begins As Anne pulled into my driveway, I was cataloging all of the day’s delights, including “sitting next to you, Leo.” There was a pause as Leo considered this. Then he said: “I didn’t even know who was sitting next to me. I couldn’t see anything but the dancers. I couldn’t look away from them!”
I later texted this review to my generous friend Elizabeth, who replied, “Oh, this makes my heart happy. Leo and his wonder is what it’s all about.”
I can’t imagine a better Christmas gift.
-
St. Augustine Respite
18-21 November 2024

Castillo San Marcos, oldest masonry fort in the continental U.S.,
constructed 1672-1695 (National Park Service photo)Seeking an escape from the woes of this soon-to-pass year (my sister’s death, Hurricanes Helene and Milton, and the return of felonious Trump), I had a pre-Thanksgiving reunion with my brother-in-law Richard and nephew Daniel in our nation’s oldest city, St. Augustine, founded in 1565 (Shakespeare was then one year old) by Spanish conquistador Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles. Both Richard and Daniel are history buffs, and my earlier October 2021 visit with my Women Against Dissertation (aka WAD) pals from Tulane days was sufficiently fresh in my mind to suggest the city’s charms as a respite from care.
The city delivered, first with an excellent dinner al fresco at Cortesse’s Bistro and Flamingo Room Piano bar on San Marco Avenue not far from our Doubletree. The Mediterranean food was excellent, reasonably priced, and served by the charming Alejandra, a Mexican beauty. Such a treat for me, just arrived from chilly NH, dining on flounder piccata and enjoying the lovely patio. Next time, I’d return for the piano bar and laissez les bon temps rouler.

Daniel and Richard happy to be at Cortesse’s Bistro 
Appreciating tropical weather in November as I never did while growing up in St. Petersburg, the next morning I enjoyed a brief swim in the Doubletree’s unnecessarily heated pool.

I note here that when I returned my rental car at the Orlando airport three days later, the temperature was 62o and the Dollar rental attendants were all wearing puffy jackets and wool caps. Perception of cold is certainly relative, especially if you’ve recently taken a plunge in New Hampshire’s Lamprey River.
Our first morning we had breakfast at a nearby Denny’s: not recommended, but the Doubletree offered only an extravagantly priced breakfast—$15 for a mere continental, PLUS a $24-per-night parking fee. Caveat emptor: the hotel’s location on San Marco is good, but those warm chocolate chip cookies on arrival don’t make up for breakfasts not included. We then walked a short way north on San Marco to the Old Jail to get tickets for a single day hop-on-hop-off Old Town Trolley tour. Unlike the Doubletree, this was a bargain at the senior ticket price of $38.47.

We got off just past the city gates and made our way to Castillo de San Marcos—along with LOTS of youngsters in school groups. This was Richard’s and my maiden voyage with our lifetime senior passes to the National Parks and federal recreational lands, and it turns out each of us could have brought an additional three adult guests. Another good deal!

I can’t really explain my fascination with forts; I seem able to compartmentalize and stow away the brutality and pure cussedness of humanity they represent. I’ve certainly come to understand Mark Twain’s paraphrased inability to understand prejudice: white men, red men, black men, yellow men—they’re all human beings, and there’s nothing worse than that. The geometry of the Castillo certainly appeals, and the ranger who spoke to us (the son of two teachers, and it showed) made clear the strategic advantages of its star shape, waterless moat (for keeping cattle safe), and the extraordinary cannon-ball-eating coquina limestone of which the fort’s walls, between 12-19 feet thick, are made.

Detail of a coquina block from the “King’s Quarry” on Anastasia Island in what is now Anastasia State Park How extraordinary that those little shells, the small pink, lavender, yellow, and white “butterflies” I collected in my youth could over time form stone that defeated iron by simply absorbing its impact. The watchtowers of this fort look very like those of the earlier El Morro, the castillo guarding the port of Havana built between 1589-1640. So, as with most experience these days, each new adventure carries for me an analogous memory: David’s and my 2015 trip to Cuba as well as my mother allowing her little Georgy to bring live coquinas, packed in a sand-and-salt water-filled Tupperware, on their flight back to Ohio . Reader, don’t try this, even if TSA allowed. Which they wouldn’t.



The watchtower at bastion San Pedro, built by Native Americans from nearby missions along with skilled workers brought in from Havana After a thorough inspection of the Castillo, we hopped back on the trolley to reach our next stop, the Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine on the northern edge of the Plaza de la Constituciόn, the oldest Catholic church in the city and the oldest parish in the country.

Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, three walls of which are original coquina, built in 1797 and two feet thick 


I lit a candle for my sister—like me, baptized Catholic, but unlike me married Catholic—and for all those gone before, while nonetheless discomfited by all I know of Catholicism’s institutional brutality and iniquitous abuses. Family history: to marry my Catholic father in 1947, my fiercely Protestant mother had had to promise to baptize their children Catholic, though in later life my dad just as fiercely lapsed. In the meantime, my mother, once I reached what she judged the age of discretion, took me to visit every different house of worship, including the local temple, in St. Pete so I could “make up my own mind.” And at the end, my dad, who never went to mass once he moved to Florida, told me in no uncertain terms to keep the priest then making rounds at the hospital away from him.
It’s complicated, such reconsiderations of what has gone before. But it was early afternoon, and Richard had spotted what I initially thought was an unlikely lunch venue for a sunny, very warm day: a black-walled grilled cheese joint. I nevertheless allowed myself to be persuaded, with happy results: the Grilled Cheese Gallery lived up to its promise of magic with my “Night in Amsterdam” (gouda, gruyere, swiss, and cheddar on artisan white) and raspberry hibiscus iced tea. The disco lighting and soundscape (the pounding beat and Donna Summer, shades of the late ’70’s French Quarter in NOLA) nearly had my tired tourist self dancing. Presentation, as my artist friend Carol said, is everything.

All hail the Grilled Cheese Gallery at 16 Cathedral Place 
Well fed and refreshed, we walked over to Flagler College, built in 1888 as the first in a series of luxury resorts on Florida’s east coast, the Hotel Ponce de Leόn, by Guilded Age industrialist and railroad magnet Henry Morrison Flagler who had partnered with John D. Rockefeller to found the Standard Oil Company. The grand hotel launched the careers of young architects John Carrére and Thomas Hastings, at the time young men just out of college now best noted for designing the New York Public Library and the House and Senate Office Buildings adjacent to the Capitol in Washington, D.C. Louis Comfort Tiffany designed the interiors, replete with stained glass and mosaics. The Edison Electric Company powered the building with steam heat and 4000 electric lights, making it one of the first electrified buildings in the country. Our Old Town Trolley guide told us that because light switches were so novel as to be alarming to hotel guests, the Ponce hired staff whose only job was to turn them off and on.

Flagler College, formerly known as “The Ponce” 
Flagler’s astonishing foyer In 1968 the former hotel became Flagler College, with an annual tuition of $42K, our guide reported, which seemed to astonish our fellow trolley-ites; me, not so much, since out-of-state tuition at the public University of New Hampshire is well over $37K, and the most expensive schools in the U.S. are now billing at $70-$80K. In 2021, my visit to Flagler College was in the company of my fellow WAD friend Sandy, who had with her husband Alan stayed at the Ponce then still in its glory days, another layer of sedimentary history to add to my current experience, along with the knowledge that my great uncle Vercil Senseman once lived between the winter homes of Edison and the Ford on the Caloosahatchee River in Ft. Myers. Uncle Verce, initially trained as a fine-finishing carpenter before becoming a real estate success, used to make furniture from felled exotic trees given him by his neighbor, Edison. And the woman on my recent Madbury hike was a Flagler descendent who attended my rival high school in St. Pete. Is aging all about diminishing degrees of separation?
The remainder of our trolley tour took us past places worth exploring on another visit: the Lincolnville historic district, a community established by freedmen after the Civil War in 1866 which became in 1964 a base for civil rights activists like the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., who marched on the street now named for him. Our late grilled cheese repast kept us too full for dinner at one of two intriguing restaurants, both on Riberia Street, the St. Augustine Fish Camp and the Ice Plant, places to try next time. We had just enough time post trolley tour to drive to and finally locate the St. Augustine Lighthouse on Anastasia Island in the failing light. Deciding to come back the next day, we opted for a humble pizza joint dinner at Borrillo’s on San Marco and called it a night.

St. Augustine Lighthouse, built 1871 
The Keeper’s House, dressed for the holidays After breakfast at the FarmHand Kchn on Ponce de Leon—MUCH better than Denny’s across the street and purveyor of an excellent Cuban sandwich—we returned to the St. Augustine lighthouse, at 165 feet the second tallest in Florida and 27th highest in the country. Along with the Maritime Museum in the Keeper’s House, the lighthouse is now a Smithsonian affiliate, and deservedly so. The current exhibition on the east coast’s nascent shrimp industry was really interesting, but taking seriously the posted cautionary sign, I enjoyed sitting out the 219-step climb to the top of the lighthouse that Richard and Daniel gamely accomplished.




Keeper’s House and Maritime Museum From there we headed to Anastasia State Park also on the island Spanish engineer Arradondo named for the martyr in 1737. While the boys had lunch at the snack bar, I took in the vistas: dramatic skies, scrub, and waving sea oats much less plentiful than when my mother painted their cousins in St. Pete in the 60’s.



We followed up the beach with a visit to the newly opened Cookiebird ice cream bar back on San Marco and a stroll down St. George Street to window shop and visit the Saint Photios Greek Orthodox National Shrine, a memorial to the first Greek settlers arriving on the American continent in 1768.




St. Photios Shrine, completed 1979 
A sad reminder of recent history We finished our last day in town with dinner at the local Village Inn, a first for me (adequate liver and onions, excellent apple pie).
Early the next morning I negotiated the complicated way back to the dauntingly enormous Orlando airport, passing along the way the “World’s Longest Car Wash” and a man hosing down a 20-foot-tall rubber duck at a hot tub dealership (ah, Florida!), and began my journey back north, uneventful save for a near-miss collision in the rainy dark at the traffic circle only 10 minutes from my Madbury home. That left me shaken, and all the more grateful to be safely back from Florida. Home again.

Bird of Paradise blooming in November, Flagler College courtyard -
The Plunge
15 November 2024

The very chilly Lamprey River seen from the bluff above in Durham NH The leaves are down here in Madbury NH and we’ve had our first November night of temperatures consistently in the 20’s; though my snowplow guy Dave staked the driveway weeks ago, this is the first morning it seemed plausible I’d awaken to snow. We’re on the threshold—in so many ways.
Last Monday morning I passed my annual Medicare Wellness check at my primary care physician’s office (“Remember these words: banana, chair, sunrise. Draw numbers on the blank face of this clock and show me 11:10”), and then, minimally encouraged, I drove to the friend of a friend’s home on the Lamprey River for a cold plunge. I’d re-connected with my friend Lisa in Boston the previous Saturday at the SpeakEasy Stage’s production of Steven Drukman’s fine new play, Pru Payne, about a celebrated if acerbic critic finding cross-caste love in a memory care unit; again, note the relevance to my own possible trajectory. Lisa had invited me to join her doughty women’s group for a plunge, and having discovered the physical and mental revitalization of cold dipping in the Atlantic over the summer, I decided such a post-election shock to the system was just the thing.
And it was: stinging cold, and quasi-hilarious as the salty epithets of our august quintet of women echoed up the steep river bank for the next 5 minutes. But! Getting out of the river meant negotiating the sharp, leaf-and-muck-dense river’s edge, slipping backwards on the cold slime and initiating second thoughts about the wisdom of this exercise. My catalog of catastrophes, other senior gaffs, came to mind: leaving the handheld sprayer on after watering the dracaena behind the bathtub upstairs, resulting in a steady stream of water pouring from the downstairs ceiling fan onto the Steinway in the library below (9 August 2021); carrying the laundry basket down the stairs not holding on and missing a step, resulting in a broken right fibula (24 October 2022); believing my wallet stolen from my purse at a Bratton Room recital on the eve of my travel to Miami, only to find it on my return from Florida in the other purse I had already moved it to before the concert (26 February 2023). Was freezing in the Lamprey to be my self-initiated cockup for 2024?
No, as it happens. A hand from a friend and the will to avoid complete humiliation propelled me safely up the many leaf-covered steps sans railing. Despite joints chilled into near non-compliance, I managed to get myself up out of the Lamprey gorge and into our host’s hot tub. Sublime. Finally, dripping in my bathing suit with only a towel wrapped around my lower half, I made it to my car to take my leave, opened the trunk, pulled on a sweatshirt, flung my purse inside, and slammed the trunk closed, only then realizing that the purse—with my key and wallet with AAA card were inside the now-locked car. Humiliation complete. Wet, cold humiliation.
Fortunately, I was among capable, sympathetic women of comparable age who shared stories of their own mishaps and bid me forget about mine. Our host Debbie lent me her phone to call AAA, served me hot tea, and lent me some dry clothes. Bob from AAA arrived within 20 minutes, and, using a couple pieces of cardboard cut from a detergent box, wedged an inflatable bladder between the door and the rubber weather stripping, inserted and pumped up said bladder creating just enough space to insert a slim jim to hook the door handle, and popped that door open. On seeing the PhD after my name on the AAA card I was finally able to retrieve from inside and show him, Bob asked what I taught. When I told him mostly Shakespeare, he nodded knowingly, and as he headed back to his truck, turned to face me and said “Adieu, adieu, adieu! Remember me.”
So, a happy ending. And tidings of what came next, for that same afternoon, I got an email from the head of author acquisition at Barnes & Noble, offering to place copies of my Will to Live book in all 51 of the B&N stores nationwide. Apparently B&N scouts books published on several platforms, including Amazon/KDP, looking for what they think marketable. Having judged WTL a good prospect, they want to include it in their upcoming December – May promotional campaign.

WTL gets another chance Turns out, the at last corrected proof copy of WTL I had unexpectedly received the previous Wednesday was printed by B&N from the master file now in their possession. I am to pay for the printing, and they in turn print, distribute, and promote. I get the royalties. I spoke at length to the acquisition head on Tuesday, slept on it, and signed the contract on Wednesday. Another plunge. Slippery bank of muck? Or money in the bank? Time will tell.
Meanwhile, each day’s news is a nauseating told-you-so assault. At the end of Wednesday’s excellent and so necessary yoga class with Ruth, I asked the young mom beside me how the post-election event she attended the previous just-post-election Wednesday went. She told me that one man in that gathering, a Brit, said he had grown up in the UK never understanding how fascists could have taken control of Europe in the 1930’s. Lesson learned: “Now he knew.”
So, as Barnes & Noble prepares to launch my book, I’m trying to tend the garden I can. My dear friend Diane’s Aristophanes translations have just come out on Hackett, and it’s certainly time to produce Lysistrata, as UNH’s Theatre and Dance program will this spring, I hope using Diane’s theatrically savvy new translation.

Now available on Amazon! That South Korea’s 4B movement of the 2010’s (women say no, “bi” in Korean, to men: no dating, no marriage, no sex, no childbearing) can take hold here, I doubt: the manisphere seems to hold sway, at least for now, Trump winning the majority of women’s votes. Is’t possible? Apparently, yes.
So, on Thursday I returned to the excellent ministrations of masseuse Anne Marple, whose healing hands do consistently provide a respite, literally lowering my blood pressure by 20 points.

The Healing Hands of Anne Marple, Licensed Massage Therapist Anne’s lovely studio is in the lower Rollinsford Mill by the Salmon Falls River that separates New Hampshire from Maine, the other river of my week crowded with incident.

The Salmon Falls River in Rollinsford NH, 14 Nov 2024 But it’s those enormous mill buildings I keep thinking of, once thriving, often “dark and satanic,” finally abandoned as technology moved on, and then re-purposed as condos and studios: time and the river flow by those imposing structures, change the only constant.

Salmon Falls Mills 
Salmon Falls Mill corridor: sweatshop repurposed as studios So we beat on, boats against the river flowing. Our country has taken a very cold plunge into a future that does not bode well. Slippery, murky, mucky slope? Again, time will tell. We pull up our socks and hope that, in the concluding words of Drukman’s captivating character Pru Payne, what we do to carry on will be “good enough.”

Only one gull in nine pays attention at the Oyster River Landing, Durham NH -
Necessary Distractions, Before and After
8 November 2024

Pepperrell Cove, Kittery Point ME For several weeks leading up to Election Day, I was trying to find reasons to hope—or at least to calm the malaise made physically manifest in vague nausea, weakness, and occasional arrhythmia. I found many temporary reprieves, one in the accommodating generosity of the folks who tended to my lawnmower and others who served me a fine lunch in Pembroke NH, and more calm in the beautiful sea grasses fringing the boardwalk at the Great Bay Discovery Center, with the delightful company of young moms and their curious kids.

The fine folks at Mowers and Blowers in Pembroke NH sharpened my EGO lawnmower blade WHILE I WAITED to save me another hour’s drive back to pick it up again. Thanks to Penny for that kindness, and to Nick, who cleaned my machine and loaded it back into my GTI with ease. 

Mill town Pembroke NH on the Suncook River 
St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, Suncook NH 
Evidence of a once-prosperous Pembroke 
Excellent brunch well-served by Maria at Shirley’s: “The Southerner,” two eggs, cheddar, BBQ sauce, and braised pulled pork on perfectly toasted sourdough 

Great Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve and Discovery Center,
Greenland NH
A beautiful day on Great Bay with a view of sea grasses
once used as salt marsh hay
Discovery Center’s boardwalk through the marsh 
. . . and through the woods I also tried diverting myself from election angst by making up new dishes, and spent a full hour “decorticating” the cardamom seeds I had on hand, removing them from their fibrous pods to bake Kardemummabullar, Swedish cardamom buns.

Latest brunch inventions: “Egg Gnawwood,” poached egg topped with sharp cheddar and Everything But the Bagel seasoning from Trader Joe’s on creamed spinach and a wedge of coarse-ground cornmeal cornbread 
Spiced veg for dinner Election Day itself I filled quite deliberately, starting with a morning tai chi class, then helping with the Madbury Public Library’s book sale, and in the later afternoon, directing UNH students toward free rides to the polls, sweetening the call to vote with baked goods. On Election Night, I sat by my neighbor Anne’s fire bowl, watching the sparks ascend in the dark and voicing Big Thoughts as we were sporadically entertained by her son kazooing tunes from The Nutcracker Suite while accompanying himself with accordion and tambourine. Bliss. And hope for the future.
And when the next morning after a broken sleep I dared to turn on the radio and heard the phrase “President-Elect Trump,” the dread became despair acute enough to make me vomit. A brisk 3.5-mile walk through the Madbury woods along old stage roads and a Bellamy River diminished by low rainfall (global warming?) distracted me with both the good company of other seniors and the 80o heat, uncommon in early November New England (definitely global warming). Our hike leader Kathy had apparently made it clear no one was to speak of the Election, and that was a good thing.

Kathy, prudently sporting optic orange in hunting season, leads us on a Seacoast Village Project hike. Alice, on the right, attended my rival high school in St. Petersburg. What are the chances we’d meet up in Madbury NH? Sweat and exhaustion thus took the place of despair for a while on Wednesday, and the reassuring sympathy of my favorite radio hosts on Boston Public Radio helped, too. I started typing this while awaiting Vice President Harris’s concession speech, and cried at her strength and bravery as she consoled and encouraged her supporters like the compassionate leader she has been and would, alas, have continued to be.

Then I went off to my yoga class another much-needed distraction: salutary physicality and moving meditation.
Now what? There’s consolation from the late-night comedians: Desi Lydic, Seth Myers, Stephen Colbert, and especially Jimmy Kimmel, himself moved to tears as he spoke of what the country has lost.
What’s the strategy now? Harris says roll up our sleeves. Right. I’m starting to plan some publicity for my book, Will to Live, apparently now soon to be available with its initial formatting cockups corrected. And today brought a lovely lunch with good friend Stephanie in Pepperrell Cove ME.

Can a mocktail like this delicious Crew’s Cure assuage sorrow? Maybe not. But the ginger helped with post-election nausea. Kudos to the Ski Club. Tomorrow I go to see a new play in Boston, Pru Payne. And going forward there’s a reunion with my brother-in-law and nephew in St. Augustine, and, come December, the joy of taking my kazoo-playing young neighbor to his first Nutcracker, with a special tour of the backstage magic by my Boston Ballet friend and prima ballerina emerita Elizabeth Olds.

Ji Young Chae in Mikko Nissinen’s Boston Ballet Nutcracker So. Distractions a-plenty in my certainly privileged life. I’ll be spending a lot more time out on the deck , keeping an eye on the stars (yes, dear Kamala: they ARE brightest when it’s darkest). And, on the recommendation of Steven Hill, author and co-founder of FairVote, I’ll see what I can to do advance the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact, designed to ensure that the candidate who receives the most popular votes nationwide is elected president (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Popular_Vote_Interstate_Compact).
The work continues. We pull up our socks and carry on. OMG

Election Night Moon from the deck, before the Fall Boston Ballet, Boston Public Radio, election, Great Bay Discovery Center in Greenland NH, Kamala Harris, Mowers & Blowers of Pembroke NH, National Popular Vote Interstate Compact, Pembroke NH, Pepperrell Cove Ski Club, Seacoast Village Project, Shirley’s Kitchen, The Nutcracker, voting, WILL TO LIVE








